He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
