What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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