his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
