She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
