you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
