walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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