Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
