stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
