I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
