she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
