I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
