You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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