i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
