you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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