The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
