Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
