i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
