Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
