Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
