So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
