Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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