The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
