just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
