I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
worst night to have a conscience
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
