It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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