he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
