Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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