I think I am morally bankrupt
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
