Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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