So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
