I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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