Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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