I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's the barista slut.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
