Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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