Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
