Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
