i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
