wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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