Only a mothe r could love this liver
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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