listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
