5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
