nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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