he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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