So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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