Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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