I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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