mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
