my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
