If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
