shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
