Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
