At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
