i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
