Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
