Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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