u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
