Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
