i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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