If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
